The Ironic Priesthood

October 9, 2006

Fruit Sweet to My Taste

Filed under: Letters to the Editor — elderbarrywhine @ 11:40 pm

Birds of a Feather

I am not an attractive person. This does not bother me. Attractive women dating unattractive men, this bothers me. Being unattractive, I tend to stick to my kind. This is ok with me, in fact I probably find other girls attractive that would probably be considered ugly by most. But I am starting to get a false hope. I am seeing an increasing trend of beautiful women dating ugly men. This must be put to a stop before I feel that I am “beautiful girl material.” I urge all attractive females to put a stop to this. Stop dating your ugly boyfriend immediately. Let them date their own kind, for if not, there will be a surplus of ugly women, which would be good for me, but bad for them. Any who disagree to this proposition is either an ugly guy themselves, or a girl who is dating an ugly guy. Please stick with your kind.

Mike Hall

San Bernardino, Calif.

So, basically, the Daily Universe will actually publish any letter they get sent, won’t they? And why is this guy trying to ruin things? I married up and I think it’s safe to say that the High Priest married up, too.


The Choicest Fruit: How to not judge

Filed under: Letters to the Editor — thehighpriest @ 11:28 pm

Today’s entry comes to us from that bastion of acceptance and toleration, the American South.

Mormon Taliban

BYU students are the best. The standards that exist here can’t be beat. There are some though, who posses, dare I say, extremist opinions about what conduct is appropriate, and feel it their duty to criticize those that offend them. These self-righteous, holier-than-thou attitudes eerily mimic the attitudes of another extremist group – the Taliban.

The Taliban banned all forms of television, imagery, music and sports. Beards were required to be at a specified length, and women were obliged to wear the burqa when appearing in public. This group required such a level of conformity that any deviation from what the Taliban deemed “appropriate” was grounds for ridicule, punishment and often times, death.

It is funny to me that these Mormon Tailban members find it so necessary to be intolerant, condemning and judgmental of the different views of others on campus that may not share the same zealous views of their own. Just because you chose to watch G-rated movies only, making others feel guilty for attending a rated PG-13 movie, using colorful language, or even drinking an occasional diet coke because you live on a “higher plane” are sad displays of misconstrued priorities and lack of understanding of the gospel. Just because your opinion of a dance routine or the comment that someone made is unfavorable, what authority or scripture reference can you give to label it as inappropriate or evil?

Maybe you should never leave your apartment to be exposed to diversity of any sort. “Don’t judge lest ye be judged.” Or maybe we all should wear some sort of “burqa” so you won’t be offended.

Lee Carnell

Memphis, Tenn.

Because the way to show people that judgment is bad is to compare them to the Taliban.

October 4, 2006

The Choicest Fruit: Dancing and Dating

Filed under: Letters to the Editor — thehighpriest @ 10:19 pm

Two cherished gems from today’s Daily Universe:

Devotional Dancing Disaster

In response to the blasphemous performance of “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” in Devotional, we the aggrieved take this opportunity to express our disgust, revulsion and deep disappointment in the failing judgment of all those who took part in enabling this to occur. Our sacred hymns are not to be the background music for provocative dancing — they are to invite the Holy Spirit and inspire reverence in those who hear.

“Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” happens to be one of our favorite hymns. We have oft times been inspired by the beauty of the words and music, while pondering on our relationship with the Savior and our place in the universe. Performances of hymns are meant to turn our minds to God, to leave us renewed, and enlightened, in a quiet spirit of reverence.

Applause should never be elicited in response to a sacred hymn. Hymns should never be used in a routine or setting to garner loud, rambunctious approval from a riotous crowd. This sacrilegious misuse of consecrated music has deeply offended many of our student body. We write this in hopes that nothing of this nature will ever happen again.

Heidi McLaren

West Row, England

Rebecca Fluckiger

Allen, Texas

The funny thing is that they both loved The Singles Ward.

Hillarious Pick-Up

A few days ago as I was waiting for my husband to finish class, a young man in a Men’s Chorus uniform approached me, chatting energetically. He stopped when he noticed my current family condition, at which point he turned away, saying “Oh, you’re having a baby. That’s wonderful. Have a nice day.” It took me a minute to realize what had happened, and while I may still be mistaken about his initial intentions, I had to laugh at the situation.

To that young man in a Men’s Chorus uniform: Thanks for reminding me that I’m pretty and reaffirming what my husband tells me every morning about being beautiful. It brought some much-needed humor to a long, hard day.

May you have a wonderful semester.

Melissa Nielsen

Apple Valley, Minn.

Melissa Nielsen is a hot, pregnant lady and she wants you to know it!

September 27, 2006

The Choicest Fruit : I Don’t Give a Plock

Filed under: Letters to the Editor, Uncategorized — elderbarrywhine @ 11:40 pm

Reader’s Forum, Sept. 27, 2006

I wouldn’t normally let this bother me, but “Honey, if You Love Me, Smile (and if Not, Don’t)” by Laurie Frost (Sept. 25) was, in my opinion, a waste of literary space. For one thing, I have a pet peeve about the word “crap.” I don’t think it should be used by people trying to keep their conversations on a higher level of decency. We all know what word it is a substitute for, therefore, it bothers me personally; but maybe I’m just eccentric in this regard. Secondly, I have heard that the best way to get rid of an enemy is to make him or her your friend. Being insincere and snide in conversation is not mutually uplifting and not in keeping with gospel teachings. Remember the phrase, “WWJD.”

Sorry if I missed the whole tenor of the article. Was it meant to be parody or tongue-in-cheek?

Lacy D. Croft

Memphis, Tenn.

So, apparently we need to come up with a new slang word for crap, one that not everyone knows what it means, in order to not offend this person. From this site:
I’m going to offer “plock” as the new word to use when designating offal.

Personally, I am going to choose to be offended by the ‘phrase’ “WWJD” – because all of the letters are capitalized in this acronym, it does not show the proper respect for the Savior’s name. A more proper rendition might be “wwJd.” Heaven forbid if I was being snide or insincere, though. After all, I intended this to be tongue-in-cheek, so that makes it alright.

August 15, 2006

The choicest fruit: Great Expectations

Filed under: Letters to the Editor — thehighpriest @ 7:02 pm

Hello.  After a brief hiatus, we are back.  However, I believe that today is the last fresh Daily Universe we will be getting for a couple of weeks.  We had better strike while the fish are jumping.

Immodest beauty queens

On the cover of the August 10th Daily Universe I saw a mystery that has been puzzling me for some time now. At the top right hand cover I meet Miss Utah, my young daughters to-be idol posing in her exemplary costume for Miss Whatever. I proceed to page five to read glowing reports of her accomplishments, including being a graduate from BYU.

Do we have different versions of the dress code at BYU for those in public acclaim and in performance mediums? I remember attending a dance performance at BYU some years ago that mirrored the type of dress we see here, so I don’t see it as anything new. I have seen apostles daughters in similar contests with similar attire. What goes?

If I am being elusive, allow me to be blunt-Is cleavage modest for those in front of the camera? Maybe I am not looking at this from the proper perspective, I know there are sports that require a type of dress that will accommodate a sport activity; what sport is this one? Perhaps our youth are learning quickly from these role models as I have noticed that it is no longer unusual to see many BYU coeds dressed similarly as they attend class here.

I look forward to any answer that is in the least bit logical.

Fauna C. Smith


Really, I think that  we can all look forward to seeing Ms. Smith’s hopes dashed regarding her last request.  If nothing else, I think that her decision to put beauty pageant contestants at the center of the culture war is justified.  We’re looking at you, Charlene Wells! (in a totally appropriate manner, of course).

July 27, 2006

The choicest fruit: I’m lovin’ it

Filed under: Letters to the Editor — thehighpriest @ 6:48 pm

It turns out that the letter to the editor that was selected last Wed sparked some controversy as nearly all of today’s letters dealt with it in one capacity or another.  However, I found this response particularly tantalizing.

Hard workers

Two years ago I was living in another country learning and speaking another language. While there although I spoke fluently the native language I still very much enjoyed speaking to friends in English. I even enjoyed eating at places such as McDonalds and Pizza Hut.

I will usually be at the forefront of protest against illegal immigration but what Marc Jones is protesting is Latin Americans. A free ride is the furthest from the truth. These our brothers and sisters work harder than many of us ever have and earn half as much. They do whatever they can from working in the fields, to working at McDonalds, to even opening their own markets to sell goods that others want (including me).

Taylor Cline

Frazier Park, Ca.

Aside from questioning the one-to-one equivalence that this guy seems to place between immigration and fast food, why is he so obsessed with McDonalds?  Doesn’t he know that the Double Texas Whopper (now on sale at Burger King) is the best burger around?

July 25, 2006

The choicest fruit: They have come for our manuals!

Filed under: Letters to the Editor — thehighpriest @ 8:59 pm

Today’s Daily Universe brought us another choice and strangely-paragraphed dalliance with paranoia.  Beware the tri-lingual instruction manual; it is a portent of doom. 

A free ride

Recently I received an owner’s manual for a new cell phone which I purchased and was surprised at the length of it. Flipping through it I discovered that it had all the information twice, once in English and once in Spanish. This is yet another example of the cause of the illegal immigration problem that plagues our country. Once an illegal alien crosses our border, life significantly increases for them.

These illegal aliens are able to get good jobs where they don’t have to pay taxes; they receive free education, free medical care, government assistance and in some states can even acquire driver’s licenses. American companies also cater to these illegal aliens, they

put package information in Spanish, they create supermarkets catered towards them, and all businesses are more than willing to speak Spanish to their customers. Even politicians cater to these illegals

so that they can acquire the Hispanic minority vote. We as a society are telling them to stay out through our laws while our actions tell them otherwise. If we as a nation truly want to end the destructive effects of illegal immigration (higher taxes, increased crime and drugs), we don’t need to build walls and create guest worker programs, we need to stop giving them everything for free. If this country stopped giving free medical care, education, government assistance and jobs then they would not come any more. Illegal aliens are harmful to

our nation, but it is our fault that there are here.

Marc Jones Ft. Collins, CO

July 20, 2006

The choicest fruit: Family…it’s about severe beatings

Filed under: Letters to the Editor — thehighpriest @ 5:52 pm

Today, we have two letters that encourage the death or abuse of EFY attendees.

Universal solution

With so many arguments spurring in the Daily Universe these days, I would like to propose a solution that should help all parties to feel satisfied. First of all, with the recent arguments concerning the tearing down of Deseret Towers, I would like to offer a small yet potent suggestion. To save money, we could simply demolish the buildings via explosives. Since there were no fireworks shows on the Fourth of July in Provo, I’m sure there are some leftover somewhere in the city. This would also attract local audiences who may still have a craving for that show. EFY kids could be in the buildings, which would solve the supposed CD-distribution dilemma as there would be no more CD’s needed on this campus. Given that there would still be some unemployed counselors, I bet they’d happily pick up the plums on the south end of campus.

Jeff Hill

Centennial, CO

Wet EFY Kids

Its about time someone pelted those annoying EFY kids with water balloons!! Besides, who in their right mind complains about that in the middle of July? They should have made those BYU students brownies! They clog up the WILK and every inch of sidewalk, yell in the hallways of the buildings, and push you as they are trying to get by! Next time a BYU throws a water balloon at an EFY student, listen closely… you will hear the sound of 30,000 sets of hands applauding.

Sharyl Escobosa

Ocala, FL

Well, we do talk a lot about the importance of the youth in the church.  I just didn’t realize we meant important as cannon fodder.

July 18, 2006

The choicest fruit: A Daily Universe Letter to the Editor

Filed under: Letters to the Editor — thehighpriest @ 9:08 pm

Whenever we get access to the Daily Universe letters to the editor, we will scour them for those elect nuggets of wisdom and hyperbole that are so often contained therein.  One qualification: we make no promises as to the opinions being expressed in these letters being actually held by the people writing them or by anyone else actually.

Plums just the start

Ms. Kramer (Plums on Campus, 13 July, 2006), I think you’re on to something. But why should we stop at harvesting plums? What about all of the grass on campus that goes wasted? Maybe BYU could have a few steers roaming campus. BYU could probably save a bundle on mowing expense. Imagine the amount of beef we could send to students in need (like out of work landscapists). And then what about the flowers? Beautification is so Temple Square. Let’s cut those suckers down and sell them to a floral shop. And those ducks that use our pond space, rent-free? Starving kids in Peking might know what to do with these squatters. Let’s work on turning CougarTown into CougarCo-Op—one plum at a time.

Dave Heywood Heber City, UT

Thank you, Mr. Heywood, for this reminder to not overreact at someone else’s well-intentioned suggestion.  Your restraint is a model for us all.

Create a free website or blog at