The Ironic Priesthood

November 2, 2006

Beat Down

Filed under: DU Police Beat — elderbarrywhine @ 9:00 pm

Oct. 23: An assault was reported in R Hall of Deseret Towers. One male student threw a bug on another male student who retaliated by spraying shaving cream on the male that threw the bug. Shaving cream got in the eyes of the first student and the argument quickly escalated and became a physical confrontation.

Because it wasn’t physical prior to that – it was a metaphorical bug and psychological shaving cream!


October 5, 2006

The Choicest Fruit: Police Beat

Filed under: DU Police Beat — thehighpriest @ 11:50 pm

Sept. 29- A report was called in of an older man mumbling to himself on the intramural fields on Canyon Road. The man was gone when police arrived.

What do you think are the odds that this guy was one of the Three Nephites?  I’ll bet you he was mumbling “Have your food storage ready by Halloween”.

September 28, 2006

Beat it!

Filed under: DU Police Beat, Uncategorized — elderbarrywhine @ 11:56 pm

Sept. 23: An assault was reported at the BYU vs. Utah State football game on Saturday. The victim, a male BYU student, was standing in front of the suspect, a female BYU student, and obstructing the female’s view of the game. The female asked the male, who didn’t have a ticket in that section of the stadium, to sit down or move. The man refused. An argument ensued and the event’s staff asked the man to sit down, which he would not. The male victim allegedly called the suspect a derogatory name and asked her, “What are you going to do to get me to sit down? Slap me?” The female suspect then slapped the male victim. The victim did not press charges.

No, but he did press his luck. Here’s a little hint to all you single guys out there: annoying is not attractive.

Sept. 22: A female BYU student reported a suspicious male in the Talmage Building asking her personal questions and hitting himself. The man was gone when police arrived.

Here’s another dating tip: Don’t bother inflicting pain on yourself when talking to girls; the pain will come naturally as a result of spending time with them. Become a monk now and live a stress-free life!

September 21, 2006

We Got the Beat!

Filed under: DU Police Beat, Uncategorized — elderbarrywhine @ 11:53 pm

Sept. 15: The Creamery on Ninth East reported an argument. The confrontation began with two parties then a third party attempted to intervene. The agitation was over the use of an I-pod.

So, arguing is an issue for the Police now? What about Free Speech?

Sept. 13: A female student reported a suspicious male staring at females near the Morris Center. A police officer made contact with the man who said he hadn’t been staring at anyone, but that he did say hello to a female with a baby. The man has already been issued a restraining order for a previous incident.

For once, I feel like there’s actually more to this story than is being reported on. How bad does it have to get before people report you for staring? Maybe it helps if you’re not very good-looking.

July 19, 2006

The choicest fruit: Police Beat

Filed under: DU Police Beat — thehighpriest @ 8:31 pm

As always, we search the Daily Universe for items of interest to our readers.


Police were called after solicitors were found outside the ASB speaking about casting out devils. They were referred to the dean of student life to gain permission to be allowed to promote their cause.

My question is: What exactly were they selling?

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