The Ironic Priesthood

October 13, 2006

I read blogs for the pictures

Filed under: ¿Humor? — thehighpriest @ 4:32 pm

It turns out that the overwrought sex drives of our bloggernacle peers continue to run in high gear. While the last time I mentioned this, it was on the part of the men, this week the women accelerated the pace of the collapse of western civilization. Behold:

At BCC, Naomi ponders the enduring social meaning of kisses, whether on first, second, or later dates. Meanwhile, Melissa helpfully explains the terminology of social touching (at least she didn’t invoke a tortured sports metaphor).

Meanwhile, at BCC, a poor anonymous woman is struggling with another form of touching.

Finally, while I know this has nothing to do with sex, I am deeply bumfuzzled by Janet’s decision to air her tampon stories (please note the plural) online. Perhaps next week, in a countering salvo, Jim F. will offer us a play by play on his recent prostate exam.


October 9, 2006

Fruit Sweet to My Taste

Filed under: Letters to the Editor — elderbarrywhine @ 11:40 pm

Birds of a Feather

I am not an attractive person. This does not bother me. Attractive women dating unattractive men, this bothers me. Being unattractive, I tend to stick to my kind. This is ok with me, in fact I probably find other girls attractive that would probably be considered ugly by most. But I am starting to get a false hope. I am seeing an increasing trend of beautiful women dating ugly men. This must be put to a stop before I feel that I am “beautiful girl material.” I urge all attractive females to put a stop to this. Stop dating your ugly boyfriend immediately. Let them date their own kind, for if not, there will be a surplus of ugly women, which would be good for me, but bad for them. Any who disagree to this proposition is either an ugly guy themselves, or a girl who is dating an ugly guy. Please stick with your kind.

Mike Hall

San Bernardino, Calif.

So, basically, the Daily Universe will actually publish any letter they get sent, won’t they? And why is this guy trying to ruin things? I married up and I think it’s safe to say that the High Priest married up, too.

The Choicest Fruit: How to not judge

Filed under: Letters to the Editor — thehighpriest @ 11:28 pm

Today’s entry comes to us from that bastion of acceptance and toleration, the American South.

Mormon Taliban

BYU students are the best. The standards that exist here can’t be beat. There are some though, who posses, dare I say, extremist opinions about what conduct is appropriate, and feel it their duty to criticize those that offend them. These self-righteous, holier-than-thou attitudes eerily mimic the attitudes of another extremist group – the Taliban.

The Taliban banned all forms of television, imagery, music and sports. Beards were required to be at a specified length, and women were obliged to wear the burqa when appearing in public. This group required such a level of conformity that any deviation from what the Taliban deemed “appropriate” was grounds for ridicule, punishment and often times, death.

It is funny to me that these Mormon Tailban members find it so necessary to be intolerant, condemning and judgmental of the different views of others on campus that may not share the same zealous views of their own. Just because you chose to watch G-rated movies only, making others feel guilty for attending a rated PG-13 movie, using colorful language, or even drinking an occasional diet coke because you live on a “higher plane” are sad displays of misconstrued priorities and lack of understanding of the gospel. Just because your opinion of a dance routine or the comment that someone made is unfavorable, what authority or scripture reference can you give to label it as inappropriate or evil?

Maybe you should never leave your apartment to be exposed to diversity of any sort. “Don’t judge lest ye be judged.” Or maybe we all should wear some sort of “burqa” so you won’t be offended.

Lee Carnell

Memphis, Tenn.

Because the way to show people that judgment is bad is to compare them to the Taliban.

October 5, 2006

The Choicest Fruit: Police Beat

Filed under: DU Police Beat — thehighpriest @ 11:50 pm

Sept. 29- A report was called in of an older man mumbling to himself on the intramural fields on Canyon Road. The man was gone when police arrived.

What do you think are the odds that this guy was one of the Three Nephites?  I’ll bet you he was mumbling “Have your food storage ready by Halloween”.

October 4, 2006

The Choicest Fruit: Dancing and Dating

Filed under: Letters to the Editor — thehighpriest @ 10:19 pm

Two cherished gems from today’s Daily Universe:

Devotional Dancing Disaster

In response to the blasphemous performance of “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” in Devotional, we the aggrieved take this opportunity to express our disgust, revulsion and deep disappointment in the failing judgment of all those who took part in enabling this to occur. Our sacred hymns are not to be the background music for provocative dancing — they are to invite the Holy Spirit and inspire reverence in those who hear.

“Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” happens to be one of our favorite hymns. We have oft times been inspired by the beauty of the words and music, while pondering on our relationship with the Savior and our place in the universe. Performances of hymns are meant to turn our minds to God, to leave us renewed, and enlightened, in a quiet spirit of reverence.

Applause should never be elicited in response to a sacred hymn. Hymns should never be used in a routine or setting to garner loud, rambunctious approval from a riotous crowd. This sacrilegious misuse of consecrated music has deeply offended many of our student body. We write this in hopes that nothing of this nature will ever happen again.

Heidi McLaren

West Row, England

Rebecca Fluckiger

Allen, Texas

The funny thing is that they both loved The Singles Ward.

Hillarious Pick-Up

A few days ago as I was waiting for my husband to finish class, a young man in a Men’s Chorus uniform approached me, chatting energetically. He stopped when he noticed my current family condition, at which point he turned away, saying “Oh, you’re having a baby. That’s wonderful. Have a nice day.” It took me a minute to realize what had happened, and while I may still be mistaken about his initial intentions, I had to laugh at the situation.

To that young man in a Men’s Chorus uniform: Thanks for reminding me that I’m pretty and reaffirming what my husband tells me every morning about being beautiful. It brought some much-needed humor to a long, hard day.

May you have a wonderful semester.

Melissa Nielsen

Apple Valley, Minn.

Melissa Nielsen is a hot, pregnant lady and she wants you to know it!

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