The Ironic Priesthood

July 25, 2006

Speed Dating introduced to LDS Singles; Temple Weddings skyrocket

Filed under: ¿Humor? — thehighpriest @ 9:10 pm

With the recent introduction of Speed Dating to the LDS single social scene, the combination of unrealistic ideals, romantic delusions, ripe libidos, and societal pressure has resulted in a further iteration of the phenomenon: the Speed Wedding.

Couples who meet at the Speed Dating event have decided that, since they hit it off so well in an artificially-structured event for desperate people, they should probably continue to make future important life decisions in a similar manner.  To accomodate the changing needs of their customers, speed dating organizers have begun to hold events exclusively in temple parking lots, with tux and (temple appropriate) bridal gown rentals and photography offered.  “Since we’ve started the service, we’ve had 546 weddings,” said Mandy Wainwright, an event organizer, “That’s a lot, considering that we’ve only been doing this since last Thursday.”

When asked to comment on this development, Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the LDS Quorum of the Twelve Apostles seemed to generally approve of it, adding, “So long as they’re not hanging out.”



  1. I have been asked to note that the first bloggernacle post regarding speed dating was posted by Jenn/Steve at Banner of Heaven on June 21, 2005. I am sure that you all have already marked this momentous occasion on your calendar. If not, please do so, so that Septimus/Brian will get the UFOs to stop following me. Thank you.

    Comment by thehighpriest — July 26, 2006 @ 4:17 pm

  2. What the heck does Oaks mean by “hanging out”? Does that phrase have some old-school meaning to it that it no longer has, and he thinks it still has the old-school meaning or something? Weird.

    Comment by David J — July 27, 2006 @ 11:57 pm

  3. Not that we’re looking for valid thought in this blog, but I have a friend who has been plagued by the “hanging out” problem. She and this guy were not “dating” they were just “hanging out”, and thus, were not progressing towards marriage. In her case, hanging out often included “making out”, so, really, who can blame the guy? If he can get some NCMO and everybody’s happy, why date? Particularly if you can hang with more than one girl… not that I’ve ever had that kind of trouble.

    (BTW, I assumed at first that you made up the Dallin Oaks quote, but then I remembered hearing something about it.)

    Comment by FHL — July 28, 2006 @ 9:36 pm

  4. I know this article is totally a spoof, but I actually met my hubby speed dating, at an institute singles dance. We got married in the Temple five months later. I think it is pretty funny myself.

    Comment by anata — December 17, 2010 @ 2:40 am

  5. Speeddating is fun even if you dont meet the love of your life.

    Comment by Greger — April 27, 2011 @ 11:41 am

  6. Hi there, I log on to your blog like every week.
    Your humoristic style is awesome, keep it up!

    Comment by free wso — March 13, 2013 @ 7:08 pm

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