The Ironic Priesthood

May 11, 2007

BYU Students Turn Playground Equipment into Manual Labor Device

Filed under: Uncategorized — elderbarrywhine @ 8:11 pm

Look at those pictures showing how much fun the engineering students are having. The reason they are smiling is because they are imagining the kids turning this thing around, generating power for the school, and having absolutely no fun whatsoever!

Admit it – when you were a kid, if it seemed like a toy and had no functional purpose, it was fun! That toy that you pushed around and made little popping noises was great. Not so much fun when it’s an actual vacuum cleaner. And sure, an air-powered nail gun is terrific when keeping neighboorhood dogs away or your sister from getting the last brownie, but once you have to use it to put up sheetrock? No fun – it’s Work!

Maybe the next project these enterprising students can work on is creating a large funhouse-style wheel that kids can run in and power the teacher’s lounge. Woo!


March 6, 2007

A New Feature: Zero to Irrelevancy

Filed under: On Faith, Zero to Irrelevancy — thehighpriest @ 8:16 pm

Well, since we are sorta starting up again around here, we figured that we would add a new feature. This one will be called: Zero to Irrelevancy. Primarily, it will be devoted to tracking how many comments it takes the discussion of Michael Otterson’s posts at the On Faith blog to devolve into backbiting, tangents, and shouting (occasionally, it will be applied to other blogs). We doubt that this number will ever reach double digits but we have hope.

On his latest post, Bro. Otterson attempts to explain/defend the church’s position on gay-marriage. It took exactly 2 comments for the thread to become irrelevant (though this is, of course, arguable as the 1st comment was strangely sycophantic).

Thank you.

BYUSA Presidential Candidates excited that their plans might actually be implemented

Filed under: ¿Humor? — thehighpriest @ 8:09 pm

As is being reported in the Daily Universe today, the proposed initiatives of the candidates running for office in this year’s BYUSA elections may actually happen, assuming of course that both teams running for the presidency actually make it through the election process without triggering some little-known technicality.

Candidates John Romney and Jason Linford, who were unexpectedly disqualified after winning last year’s election, are pleased that the BYU administration gave them the option of having their proposed initiatives pre-approved by the ASB this year.  “Last year, we were proposing that we have an open nomination process and wider access to election results,” remarked Linford, “but this year we are glad to know that the administration is helping us keep our goals realistic, like putting a calendar of events on the BYU Homepage.”

The other candidates, Summer Price and Devon Glassman, were also pleased with the administration’s interest in their platform.  Price said, “It is just good to know that the Lord’s university is being lead by men and women with such an interest in all aspects of student life.  Why, if it weren’t for them, Devon and I might have campaigned for a student government with actual power on campus? Who knows what might have happened then?”

November 2, 2006

Beat Down

Filed under: DU Police Beat — elderbarrywhine @ 9:00 pm

Oct. 23: An assault was reported in R Hall of Deseret Towers. One male student threw a bug on another male student who retaliated by spraying shaving cream on the male that threw the bug. Shaving cream got in the eyes of the first student and the argument quickly escalated and became a physical confrontation.

Because it wasn’t physical prior to that – it was a metaphorical bug and psychological shaving cream!

October 13, 2006

I read blogs for the pictures

Filed under: ¿Humor? — thehighpriest @ 4:32 pm

It turns out that the overwrought sex drives of our bloggernacle peers continue to run in high gear. While the last time I mentioned this, it was on the part of the men, this week the women accelerated the pace of the collapse of western civilization. Behold:

At BCC, Naomi ponders the enduring social meaning of kisses, whether on first, second, or later dates. Meanwhile, Melissa helpfully explains the terminology of social touching (at least she didn’t invoke a tortured sports metaphor).

Meanwhile, at BCC, a poor anonymous woman is struggling with another form of touching.

Finally, while I know this has nothing to do with sex, I am deeply bumfuzzled by Janet’s decision to air her tampon stories (please note the plural) online. Perhaps next week, in a countering salvo, Jim F. will offer us a play by play on his recent prostate exam.

October 9, 2006

Fruit Sweet to My Taste

Filed under: Letters to the Editor — elderbarrywhine @ 11:40 pm

Birds of a Feather

I am not an attractive person. This does not bother me. Attractive women dating unattractive men, this bothers me. Being unattractive, I tend to stick to my kind. This is ok with me, in fact I probably find other girls attractive that would probably be considered ugly by most. But I am starting to get a false hope. I am seeing an increasing trend of beautiful women dating ugly men. This must be put to a stop before I feel that I am “beautiful girl material.” I urge all attractive females to put a stop to this. Stop dating your ugly boyfriend immediately. Let them date their own kind, for if not, there will be a surplus of ugly women, which would be good for me, but bad for them. Any who disagree to this proposition is either an ugly guy themselves, or a girl who is dating an ugly guy. Please stick with your kind.

Mike Hall

San Bernardino, Calif.

So, basically, the Daily Universe will actually publish any letter they get sent, won’t they? And why is this guy trying to ruin things? I married up and I think it’s safe to say that the High Priest married up, too.

The Choicest Fruit: How to not judge

Filed under: Letters to the Editor — thehighpriest @ 11:28 pm

Today’s entry comes to us from that bastion of acceptance and toleration, the American South.

Mormon Taliban

BYU students are the best. The standards that exist here can’t be beat. There are some though, who posses, dare I say, extremist opinions about what conduct is appropriate, and feel it their duty to criticize those that offend them. These self-righteous, holier-than-thou attitudes eerily mimic the attitudes of another extremist group – the Taliban.

The Taliban banned all forms of television, imagery, music and sports. Beards were required to be at a specified length, and women were obliged to wear the burqa when appearing in public. This group required such a level of conformity that any deviation from what the Taliban deemed “appropriate” was grounds for ridicule, punishment and often times, death.

It is funny to me that these Mormon Tailban members find it so necessary to be intolerant, condemning and judgmental of the different views of others on campus that may not share the same zealous views of their own. Just because you chose to watch G-rated movies only, making others feel guilty for attending a rated PG-13 movie, using colorful language, or even drinking an occasional diet coke because you live on a “higher plane” are sad displays of misconstrued priorities and lack of understanding of the gospel. Just because your opinion of a dance routine or the comment that someone made is unfavorable, what authority or scripture reference can you give to label it as inappropriate or evil?

Maybe you should never leave your apartment to be exposed to diversity of any sort. “Don’t judge lest ye be judged.” Or maybe we all should wear some sort of “burqa” so you won’t be offended.

Lee Carnell

Memphis, Tenn.

Because the way to show people that judgment is bad is to compare them to the Taliban.

October 5, 2006

The Choicest Fruit: Police Beat

Filed under: DU Police Beat — thehighpriest @ 11:50 pm

Sept. 29- A report was called in of an older man mumbling to himself on the intramural fields on Canyon Road. The man was gone when police arrived.

What do you think are the odds that this guy was one of the Three Nephites?  I’ll bet you he was mumbling “Have your food storage ready by Halloween”.

October 4, 2006

The Choicest Fruit: Dancing and Dating

Filed under: Letters to the Editor — thehighpriest @ 10:19 pm

Two cherished gems from today’s Daily Universe:

Devotional Dancing Disaster

In response to the blasphemous performance of “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” in Devotional, we the aggrieved take this opportunity to express our disgust, revulsion and deep disappointment in the failing judgment of all those who took part in enabling this to occur. Our sacred hymns are not to be the background music for provocative dancing — they are to invite the Holy Spirit and inspire reverence in those who hear.

“Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” happens to be one of our favorite hymns. We have oft times been inspired by the beauty of the words and music, while pondering on our relationship with the Savior and our place in the universe. Performances of hymns are meant to turn our minds to God, to leave us renewed, and enlightened, in a quiet spirit of reverence.

Applause should never be elicited in response to a sacred hymn. Hymns should never be used in a routine or setting to garner loud, rambunctious approval from a riotous crowd. This sacrilegious misuse of consecrated music has deeply offended many of our student body. We write this in hopes that nothing of this nature will ever happen again.

Heidi McLaren

West Row, England

Rebecca Fluckiger

Allen, Texas

The funny thing is that they both loved The Singles Ward.

Hillarious Pick-Up

A few days ago as I was waiting for my husband to finish class, a young man in a Men’s Chorus uniform approached me, chatting energetically. He stopped when he noticed my current family condition, at which point he turned away, saying “Oh, you’re having a baby. That’s wonderful. Have a nice day.” It took me a minute to realize what had happened, and while I may still be mistaken about his initial intentions, I had to laugh at the situation.

To that young man in a Men’s Chorus uniform: Thanks for reminding me that I’m pretty and reaffirming what my husband tells me every morning about being beautiful. It brought some much-needed humor to a long, hard day.

May you have a wonderful semester.

Melissa Nielsen

Apple Valley, Minn.

Melissa Nielsen is a hot, pregnant lady and she wants you to know it!

September 28, 2006

Beat it!

Filed under: DU Police Beat, Uncategorized — elderbarrywhine @ 11:56 pm

Sept. 23: An assault was reported at the BYU vs. Utah State football game on Saturday. The victim, a male BYU student, was standing in front of the suspect, a female BYU student, and obstructing the female’s view of the game. The female asked the male, who didn’t have a ticket in that section of the stadium, to sit down or move. The man refused. An argument ensued and the event’s staff asked the man to sit down, which he would not. The male victim allegedly called the suspect a derogatory name and asked her, “What are you going to do to get me to sit down? Slap me?” The female suspect then slapped the male victim. The victim did not press charges.

No, but he did press his luck. Here’s a little hint to all you single guys out there: annoying is not attractive.

Sept. 22: A female BYU student reported a suspicious male in the Talmage Building asking her personal questions and hitting himself. The man was gone when police arrived.

Here’s another dating tip: Don’t bother inflicting pain on yourself when talking to girls; the pain will come naturally as a result of spending time with them. Become a monk now and live a stress-free life!

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